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Raising Ryland

Our Story of Parenting a Transgender Child with No Strings Attached

Audiobook
1 of 1 copy available
1 of 1 copy available

This powerful, moving story—which has already touched more than seven million through a viral video created by the Whittington family—is a mother's first-hand account of her emotional choice to embrace her transgender child.

When Hillary and Jeff Whittington posted a YouTube video chronicling their five-year-old son Ryland's transition from girl to boy, they didn't expect it to be greeted with such fervor. Beautiful and moving, the video documenting Hillary's and Jeff's love for their child instantly went viral and has been seen by more than seven million viewers since its posting in May 2014.

Now for the first time, they tell their story in full, offering an emotional and moving account of their journey alongside their exceptional child. After they discovered their daughter Ryland was deaf at age one and needed cochlear implants, the Whittingtons spent nearly four years successfully teaching Ryland to speak. But once Ryland gained the power of speech, it was time for them to listen as Ryland insisted, "I am a boy!" And listen they did. After learning that forty-one percent of people who identify as transgender attempt to take their own lives, Hillary and her husband Jeff made it their mission to support their child—no matter what.

From the earliest stages of deciphering Ryland through clothing choices to examining the difficult conversations that have marked every stage of Ryland's transition, Hillary Whittington shares her experiences as a mother through it all, demonstrating both the resistance and support that their family has encountered as they try to erase the stigma surrounding the word "transgender." In telling her family's story, she hopes she can assist the world in accepting that even children as young as five, can have profound and impactful things to say and share. What emerges is a powerful story of unconditional love, accepting others for who they are, and doing what's right, regardless of whether those around you understand it.

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    • Publisher's Weekly

      December 21, 2015
      Though Whittington has an admirable impulse to use the unexpected viral video fame of her transgender kindergarten-aged son, Ryland, for a teaching moment, her narrative comes across as overly self-congratulatory. Soon after Whittington and her husband, Jeff, addressed toddler Ryland’s deafness with cochlear implants, Ryland began to express clearly, in word and behavior, a male identity, in ways typically seen as markers for young transgender children. Ryland soon adopted male bathroom behavior and masculine hair, clothing, and toy preferences. Hillary researched the subject and learned that gender identity is established in children in the first few years of life. Realizing that the outcomes for trans youth unsupported by their families and communities are very poor, she committed herself to supporting Ryland’s transition, overcoming her own misgivings, and helping her husband and the people around them to understand. Hillary’s carefully crafted eight-page letter for friends and family may be a useful tool for other parents of transgender children. However, the immediacy seems to have been worn away from her well-rehearsed story, leaving more message than emotion.

    • Library Journal

      September 1, 2015

      When daughter Ryland was one, Whittington and her husband learned that she was deaf and needed cochlear implants. At age five, Ryland announced that she was a boy, and the family facilitated Ryland's transition from daughter to son, as recapitulated in a video that has been seen by seven million viewers. Whittington here explains the decision she and her husband made while addressing practicalities like holding all the necessary conversations. In the news and on the screen (look for a Sundance Film documentary about the Whittingtons in January 2016); a 75,000-copy first printing.

      Copyright 2015 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

    • Kirkus

      December 15, 2015
      A new family must regroup after their toddler exhibits gender ambivalence. Whittington, a mother of two, poignantly chronicles the transformative journey of Ryland, her young son who was born female. On his first birthday, the author's son was diagnosed as deaf. A year later, the child received cochlear implants to enable hearing and speech capability. Then, after expressing tomboy inclinations and masculine bathroom traits, he tearfully announced, "I'm a boy." Initially distressed, the family viewed the issue as much more than just a toddler phase and slowly began adapting to the fact that their daughter truly identified as a boy in every way. When their second daughter, Brynley, was born, they came to terms with their transgendered son. Both the author and her husband struggled with the critical next steps in Ryland's upbringing, his gender identity, and childhood development, while their greatest "fears came from how the world would view our child." The road was arduous, yet it began with a simple haircut and proper pronoun use. Amid the years of "private turmoil" and Ryland's many expected (and unexpected) challenges with school and societal rejection, the Whittingtons proactively educated themselves, posted videos online, and emerged as a consistently supportive and nurturing unit. Sensitively handled and written in breezy prose that doesn't linger too long on the expository details of their ordeal, the author sets a fine example for other parents either imagining or personally experiencing a similar situation. Believing their joint understanding and acceptance of Ryland will result in a blissful childhood, the Whittingtons have truly afforded their son the opportunity to "grow up with the chance to cultivate the same self-love and confidence to which every child has the right when he or she is born." An uplifting testimonial to the power of unconditional familial love and acceptance.

      COPYRIGHT(2015) Kirkus Reviews, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

    • Booklist

      January 1, 2016
      Several months after Whittington's daughter, Ryland, was born, the baby was diagnosed as profoundly deaf. With cochlear implants and therapy, Ryland learned by age four to express herself clearly. One of the things she said, however, was that she thinks she's a boy. Whittington recalls Ryland's step-by-step journey from uncomfortable little girl to thriving young man. It wasn't an easy trip. At first, Whittington sensed disapproval and disbelief from her husband, in-laws, family, and friends. She constantly questioned herself on whether she was failing Ryland by giving in to her requests. But at the same time, the mother in her was determined to support her now-son and listen to his longings. With the help of support groups, family, and literature searches, Whittington soon realized that gender is separate from sexuality and that Ryland is transgender. She presents a strong case for listening to and accepting children when they struggle with gender issues, even at an early age. Transgender identity isn't an easy issue, but it's one that's in the news, and readers will appreciate Whittington's honesty and courage.(Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2016, American Library Association.)

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